It's on my heart today to share my struggle and journey as a person who is, according to the standards of the BMI chart, considered morbidly obese. Yikes. It hurts to even write that. But the fact of the matter is that my weight is not what has been hurting me my entire life--it's the way I've been treated because of it. As crazy as this may sound, (or not) my weight has been my primary identity up until recently; it came before being black or being a woman in my own mind and others I guess because it was the most visible of my flaws. I was always acutely aware of my weight and the grotesqueness of it due to the barrage of well meaning comments as well as snide remarks mainly coming from the mouths of my relatives. Don't get me wrong--my family loves me, but they didn't want me to be fat. They used a variety of methods to get me to lose weight from well-meaning encouragement that really just ended up being downright insulting ( "If you lost all of that weight, a lot of boys would like you!") to blatantly cruel words (like falling me a fata** out of anger). Calling me fat or fatty was always the first insult thrown when it came to disputes between me and family members that were my age. It hurts to reflect on these things because my heart aches for the little girl that I used to be. I grew up HATING myself because of my weight. I never thought I could be considered pretty, I never thought that I would ever have a boyfriend, and I wouldn't even ALLOW myself to dress nice because I didn't think that I deserved it. My mom would try to utilize shopping trips as an incentive to get me to lose weight but it never worked. Beginning of the school year shopping trips ended with her angry and frustrated and me feeling awful about myself as this big, tall black girl that limited herself to t-shirts, jeans, and sweatshirts.
Although I was fat, I was actively involved in sports up until my sophomore year in high school. I could run the mile (and I even did it within the time limit to pass the school fitness test), play JV basketball, do suicides, and I even managed to do the flex arm hang for a couple of seconds. I did all of these things at 239 lbs. I had no major health issues or any minor health issues for that matter. I was an active, healthy kid who loved vegetables, yogurt, and chicken as well as the normal junk food snacks such as chips, cookies and, candy.
I know that being overweight can lead to a higher risk of major health issues but shaming people, especially children, as a means of incentive or motivation to lose weight is demeaning and inappropriate. Luckily for me, I wasn't really made fun of for my weight by my peers. I was very easy to get along with and many people liked me as a person. But my family, who I love dearly, played the biggest role in how I felt about myself. My self-esteem was very low for a long time and that issue propelled me into terrible relationships with males who did not care about me and that just wanted to use me. My clothing often showcased a little too much of my body (I'd wear low cut tops). But worst of all, every time I looked in the mirror I HATED who I was. However, everything I believed about myself was a LIE and I didn't realize that until I truly began to seek God.
You see, God knew me before I was created in my mother's womb (Jer 1:5) and He KNEW the physical, emotional, and mental struggles that I would face during my time on this Earth. But God sent His son Jesus Christ into this world to OVERCOME those struggles. God gives me grace in every aspect of my life including any weight issues I have. God still loves me and thinks I'm beautiful and even has a HUSBAND for me that will love me like Christ loves the church despite my weight. God loves even the least of us, even when the world does not. God set me free from those paper chains and my self esteem has greatly improved over the past few years. My value doesn't come from the inches around my waste. Is it important to be healthy? Absolutely. Do I need to eat healthier and be more active? Yes and probably moreso than the next person because of my weight and where it's centered on my body (my tummy). But I am not less than because of my weight and I do not DESERVE less than for my weight. Christ died for big ole me too. And let's face it, EVERYONE needs to eat healthy and stay active; fat people do not need to be singled out as if they are the only ones who need to make healthy choices. Sometimes I still struggle with my self esteem, and now that I'm not so caught up on how I look weight wise anymore, new attacks try to spring up. That's when I have to remember who I am...child of God, the righteousness of Christ, a part of a royal priesthood, and most importantly...LOVED.
With all of that being said, I commission all of you to love those people who you consider hard to love. Many people consider fat people hard to love, but I press you to resist the temptation to shame them because of their bodies and instead seek God and figure out ways to love them. It will certainly be a challenge because many of us automatically think we must focus on a fat person's weight, but I urge you to focus on their heart instead.
True Love
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
The Freedom in Obedience
Freedom and obedience seem like oil and water to the naked eye, but if you dig deeper into your walk with the Lord then you begin to realize that their is real, everlasting freedom in being obedient to His word. God wants the best for your life and my life, and He will give you the best life if you allow Him too (Jer 29:11). When I forgive others, when I apologize when I've done wrong, when I do the things that the Holy Spirit puts it on my heart to do, I feel peace. That peace is a peace from God which surpasses all understanding (Phil 4:6). Being obedient to God transfers your burdens in life off of your heart and onto God's. We spend so much time worrying about things that we cannot change, yet we have know the very One who can. For example, one thing that I continue to stress about regularly is my student loans. I could buy a brand new 2015 Range Rover if my student loan debt was actually cash in my pocket. It's a ton of debt right? But I know that right now God has provided me with the job I have and the salary I have (I spent a year praying for this job and He finally gave me a VISION for it. I was unemployed for maybe three or four weeks before scoring the interview and I was hired at the end of it. Praise Him!) So if my current salary won't allow me to pay off my debt in full then God HAS to have another plan in place. Why am I still worried again? I do my part by paying my student loan payments on time every month. The rest is up to God.
During times when I'm not being obedient to God, I know it is because I do not trust Him. Scripture tells us in John 14:23: 'Jesus answered him, “If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him."' God already loves us, but He is waiting on us to choose to love Him back so that He can come into our hearts and dwell there. If we love someone, then we trust them. If we trust them, then we obey them. Trust is a part of loving someone, and when you do not trust someone, unfortunately, that is not love. Obedience is definitely challenging especially when fear, doubt, worry, and similar feelings come into the picture. I encourage you today to push through that and seek God out instead. If you struggle with obedience as I do, then I encourage you to try the following
If you don't know the Lord yet and are ready to become a disciple of the Lord then pray this prayer:(which I borrowed from another website)
"Father, I know that I have broken your laws and my sins have separated me from you. I am truly sorry, and now I want to turn away from my past sinful life toward you. Please forgive me, and help me avoid sinning again. I believe that your son, Jesus Christ died for my sins, was resurrected from the dead, is alive, and hears my prayer. I invite Jesus to become the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heart from this day forward. Please send your Holy Spirit to help me obey You, and to do Your will for the rest of my life. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen."
See more at: http://www.allaboutgod.com/prayer-of-salvation.htm#sthash.5ilhCyAw.dpuf
If your heart is aligned with this prayer, then you have been saved! Congratulations and prayerfully start searching for a church home!
True Love
During times when I'm not being obedient to God, I know it is because I do not trust Him. Scripture tells us in John 14:23: 'Jesus answered him, “If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him."' God already loves us, but He is waiting on us to choose to love Him back so that He can come into our hearts and dwell there. If we love someone, then we trust them. If we trust them, then we obey them. Trust is a part of loving someone, and when you do not trust someone, unfortunately, that is not love. Obedience is definitely challenging especially when fear, doubt, worry, and similar feelings come into the picture. I encourage you today to push through that and seek God out instead. If you struggle with obedience as I do, then I encourage you to try the following
- Spend time with God daily- set aside at least 30 minutes daily to listen to worship music, pray, and read the Word. Reading the Word especially and including God in that time (asking Him questions about the word and listening for His voice while you're reading) will leave you feeling peaceful and refreshed.
- Ask God what is hindering your obedience- I oftentimes struggle with fear and anxiety that ends up overwhelming me and keeping me from stepping out and doing things that God has told me to do. I even end up doubting that I heard God's voice at all. Find out what is hindering you and use the sword of scripture to fight back when it attacks (For example, when fear attacks me I use scripture to come against fear)
- Stay connected-Being around like minded people who are pursuing Christ will help you stay motivated and accountable. You are a part of the body of Christ and we need you to contribute what God has purposed you for.
If you don't know the Lord yet and are ready to become a disciple of the Lord then pray this prayer:(which I borrowed from another website)
"Father, I know that I have broken your laws and my sins have separated me from you. I am truly sorry, and now I want to turn away from my past sinful life toward you. Please forgive me, and help me avoid sinning again. I believe that your son, Jesus Christ died for my sins, was resurrected from the dead, is alive, and hears my prayer. I invite Jesus to become the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heart from this day forward. Please send your Holy Spirit to help me obey You, and to do Your will for the rest of my life. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen."
See more at: http://www.allaboutgod.com/prayer-of-salvation.htm#sthash.5ilhCyAw.dpuf
If your heart is aligned with this prayer, then you have been saved! Congratulations and prayerfully start searching for a church home!
True Love
Saturday, January 17, 2015
Remember Who You Are
This month has been both exciting and exhausting. My birthday passed a week and a half ago, and I thoroughly enjoyed festivities with coworkers and friends at Dave and Buster's and the movies (we saw Taken 3). I haven't always enjoyed my birthday though. Actually, I spent 7 long years feeling miserable and unloved every time that it came around. You see, my birthday falls just two weeks after Christmas. This is a time when people are still recovering from the holiday season and my birthday isn't usually on the top of everyone's minds. Also, while I was in college, it was a time when all of my friends were at home with their families; we weren't at school together to celebrate my birthday. This year was different though. As I've grown in my relationship with Christ, I've learned that although I desire to have people around me to celebrate things such as my birthday, my accomplishments, and my growth, this just will not always be the case. God has been bringing me through a wilderness experience as I learn how to rely on Him for my joy, my peace, and my strength--even when it feels as though no one else around me is on my team.
On the morning of my birthday as I was getting ready for work, I felt the familiar pang of depression try to settle over me. God freed me from depression last summer (that's a whole other story that I'm not quite ready to share), but it still tries to come back occasionally. No sooner than my mind began to sink into those moody, unpleasant thoughts did God whisper to me in His still, small voice, "Remember who you are." I love God, and I am reminded of His love for me when He sweeps me off of my feet into a warm, loving embrace at the mere sound of His voice. I don't understand how He can put so much love into so few words, but what I do know is that those words carried me through the rest of that day, and that week, and beyond. Even though my birthday was awesome this year, I've still faced other battles. In the current age of social media where anyone and everyone can have a voice, I almost feel as though many aspects of my secular identity have been and continue to be viciously attacked. I've done my best to lovingly speak up and speak out, but to tell you the truth I am exhausted. I've been fat-shamed, black-shamed, and of course gone through the ever present wringer that is misogyny. Just yesterday I came across a page that was DEDICATED to bullying and shaming fat people, mainly women, due to the recent plus-size fashion and body positive movement. It still baffles me that people would actually dedicate genuine time and energy to such a cause in the name of health. If you're so concerned with the health of fat women, then maybe you should do things like post healthy alternative recipes, or start an exercise class geared towards fat people, or raise money for the American Diabetes Association--not spread hate. Anyways, I started feeling very bogged down by all of these things as I reflected on the conversations I've had and questioned myself: Am I being too sensitive? Is it even worth it to try to defend myself and other like me anymore? Will racism ever go away? Is being fat really that bad? Is that why I'm still single? As I sat there thinking all of these things to myself with no real answers, I remembered again what God said to me on my birthday, "Remember who you are." When you believe in Christ, your identity shifts from worldly things such as the kind of car you drive, the job you've attained, that mental disorder you have, or that embarrassing viral video that you're featured in to who Christ is. When Christ died on that Cross for us He took our sins away and gave us His righteousness in exchange! That's why when we accept Jesus Christ as our savior we become a new creation (2 Cor 5:17). We are free from the paper chains that our old life placed upon us and we have a new way to identify ourselves. This is the only identity we have that is unchanging because God's promises will never fail (Isaiah 55:11). I spent many years hating myself for being too dark, too fat, too tall, etc., but when I truly began to walk in the newness of Christ I realized that I was more than my job, my skin color, my gender, or any other worldly character trait you can think of. This is not to say that I have arrived. I still battle with my insecurities and must allow God to work in those areas of my life that are dark; it's a process. But my identity in Christ is something that no person can take away from me... I am righteous (2 Corinthians 5:21), I am approved (Jeremiah 1: 5) , I am royalty (Romans 5:17). That is why it is SOOOO important to remember these things and use scripture to fight when you feel any less than who God says you are. My suggestion for any believer is to write these scripture down on index cards and have them with you when you're in need of encouragement.
Refuse to let the world define you and bog you down. Of course, when you're fighting for what is good and what is right there are times when you will get tired and where you will need rest, but never stop fighting for what is good. Remember who you are, and have empathy for the people around you who may not have the knowledge or understanding that you have. Have empathy even for your enemies, and maybe you'll even find a way to reach them too. But always, always remember who you are.
True Love
On the morning of my birthday as I was getting ready for work, I felt the familiar pang of depression try to settle over me. God freed me from depression last summer (that's a whole other story that I'm not quite ready to share), but it still tries to come back occasionally. No sooner than my mind began to sink into those moody, unpleasant thoughts did God whisper to me in His still, small voice, "Remember who you are." I love God, and I am reminded of His love for me when He sweeps me off of my feet into a warm, loving embrace at the mere sound of His voice. I don't understand how He can put so much love into so few words, but what I do know is that those words carried me through the rest of that day, and that week, and beyond. Even though my birthday was awesome this year, I've still faced other battles. In the current age of social media where anyone and everyone can have a voice, I almost feel as though many aspects of my secular identity have been and continue to be viciously attacked. I've done my best to lovingly speak up and speak out, but to tell you the truth I am exhausted. I've been fat-shamed, black-shamed, and of course gone through the ever present wringer that is misogyny. Just yesterday I came across a page that was DEDICATED to bullying and shaming fat people, mainly women, due to the recent plus-size fashion and body positive movement. It still baffles me that people would actually dedicate genuine time and energy to such a cause in the name of health. If you're so concerned with the health of fat women, then maybe you should do things like post healthy alternative recipes, or start an exercise class geared towards fat people, or raise money for the American Diabetes Association--not spread hate. Anyways, I started feeling very bogged down by all of these things as I reflected on the conversations I've had and questioned myself: Am I being too sensitive? Is it even worth it to try to defend myself and other like me anymore? Will racism ever go away? Is being fat really that bad? Is that why I'm still single? As I sat there thinking all of these things to myself with no real answers, I remembered again what God said to me on my birthday, "Remember who you are." When you believe in Christ, your identity shifts from worldly things such as the kind of car you drive, the job you've attained, that mental disorder you have, or that embarrassing viral video that you're featured in to who Christ is. When Christ died on that Cross for us He took our sins away and gave us His righteousness in exchange! That's why when we accept Jesus Christ as our savior we become a new creation (2 Cor 5:17). We are free from the paper chains that our old life placed upon us and we have a new way to identify ourselves. This is the only identity we have that is unchanging because God's promises will never fail (Isaiah 55:11). I spent many years hating myself for being too dark, too fat, too tall, etc., but when I truly began to walk in the newness of Christ I realized that I was more than my job, my skin color, my gender, or any other worldly character trait you can think of. This is not to say that I have arrived. I still battle with my insecurities and must allow God to work in those areas of my life that are dark; it's a process. But my identity in Christ is something that no person can take away from me... I am righteous (2 Corinthians 5:21), I am approved (Jeremiah 1: 5) , I am royalty (Romans 5:17). That is why it is SOOOO important to remember these things and use scripture to fight when you feel any less than who God says you are. My suggestion for any believer is to write these scripture down on index cards and have them with you when you're in need of encouragement.
Refuse to let the world define you and bog you down. Of course, when you're fighting for what is good and what is right there are times when you will get tired and where you will need rest, but never stop fighting for what is good. Remember who you are, and have empathy for the people around you who may not have the knowledge or understanding that you have. Have empathy even for your enemies, and maybe you'll even find a way to reach them too. But always, always remember who you are.
True Love
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Shut It Down: Seriously.
This morning as I was getting ready for my workday, I decided to hop in the shower and get squeaky to some tunes on my iPad. As I scrolled through the "S" section on my iTunes, I came across Drake's song "Shut it Down," which happens to be one of my favs by him. As I was listening to the end of the song (starting at about the 5 minute mark), I heard the following lyrics:
"The way I’m feeling, the things I say all just happen, when you pass my way what can I do to make you stay I know its getting late but girl I don’t want you to leave you tell me you’re just not the type you wanna do this right and I’m not tryin to say I don’t believe you but I refuse to feel ashamed
and if you feel the same does waiting really make us better people? take those f****n heels off its worth it girl nothing is what I can picture you in
s o take that f****n dress off I swear you won’t forget me you’ll be happy that you let me lay you down down down"
Now, Drake is clearly trying to seduce a woman into staying the night and having intercourse with him even though she has expressed that it is not what SHE WANTS. In fact, she lets him know that she wants to "do this right," yet he still presses on for a night of instant gratification. The tone of Drake's lyrics indicate that this night of ecstasy is completely fine, and there is nothing wrong with doing this. However, I'm going to have to completely and utterly DISAGREE with Drake on this notion. Drake displays a common attitude that I'm sure many of us women have seen from various men, but I'm here to let you know that if you are trying to "do things right" ( probably meaning actually getting to know a person, establishing mutual respect, and aiming towards a meaningful relationship) this is NOT the way to get there. We think that doing simple things like letting a guy come over to "chill" or having sexual relations early in a relationship are not a big deal. Well, guess what? They VERY much are. Take a look at the Black Girls Are Easy Blog article "Dating vs. Come Over and Chill" where the male author explains why it is NOT okay to chill with guys early on if we are looking for a relationship. It is an amazing read, so I highly suggest it.
Music today influences young minds to let go and indulge in sexual pleasures without much thought, protection, or meaning involved. We all love the sultry sounds of Drake, Trey Songz, Usher, and others as well as the classic club bangers like "Back That Thang Up" (my personal fav), Dance (ASS), and other hype songs like these, but ladies these songs should remain just what they are--entertainment--if you are looking for the real deal (and they wonder why so many marriages are ending up in divorce!). I'm no relationship expert, but after the many hurts and disappointments that I've been through, I have learned that returning to old ways are the best way. Waiting and Dating. Yup, waiting and dating.
I firmly believe that men are responsible for their actions, and I am devastated by how often women are taken advantage of by men who only want to see you back it up, drop it low, or twerk it reaaaallll good. BUT, I also believe that you must "be the change that you want to see in the world." So ladies, if we want to see a change in the social relationships between men and women, we must change how we handle our side of the relationships. We as a group must raise our expectations. Be patient and don't settle for less than you deserve ( NO ONE, man or woman, deserves to be treated like meat). Wait until you have established a relationship of mutual respect and communication to decide about the sexual aspect of the relationship (at the very least!). I don't think we can win this battle without loving and supporting each other through it. We've got to stop the hating, cattiness, and jealousy that often proliferates around the subject of men. If you've got a click of friends, date EACH OTHER until the RIGHT MAN comes along for each of you. It is time we stop playing into the BS that many of these artists and other media personalities feed to us--it is not okay to indulge like this unless you want to live a sexually free lifestyle. Of course men are going to try to convince us to give it up ( and you may actually want to), but you will dramatically decrease your chances of having a relationship if you play into it.
So ladies curvy and skinny alike, if you're ready to find something real like I am, SHUT THAT ISH DOWN. Let's get old school on em!
Also, a nice clip about Tracy McMillan's latest book: Why You're Not Married
Yahoo! interview with Tracy McMillan
Now, Drake is clearly trying to seduce a woman into staying the night and having intercourse with him even though she has expressed that it is not what SHE WANTS. In fact, she lets him know that she wants to "do this right," yet he still presses on for a night of instant gratification. The tone of Drake's lyrics indicate that this night of ecstasy is completely fine, and there is nothing wrong with doing this. However, I'm going to have to completely and utterly DISAGREE with Drake on this notion. Drake displays a common attitude that I'm sure many of us women have seen from various men, but I'm here to let you know that if you are trying to "do things right" ( probably meaning actually getting to know a person, establishing mutual respect, and aiming towards a meaningful relationship) this is NOT the way to get there. We think that doing simple things like letting a guy come over to "chill" or having sexual relations early in a relationship are not a big deal. Well, guess what? They VERY much are. Take a look at the Black Girls Are Easy Blog article "Dating vs. Come Over and Chill" where the male author explains why it is NOT okay to chill with guys early on if we are looking for a relationship. It is an amazing read, so I highly suggest it.
Also, a nice clip about Tracy McMillan's latest book: Why You're Not Married
Yahoo! interview with Tracy McMillan
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Excuse my fat, please
A business woman should dress professional, an astronaut must dress for outerspace, and a firefighter must dress for the heat. But a fat person? What do they dress for? Misery? Disguise? Or do they simply dress for very same reason that any other human being would--fashion, presentation, personality, etc? I think we can all agree as human beings that we dress in order to 1.) not be running around bucked naked 2.) in order to reflect our personality and 3.) in order to look good and feel good about ourselves. Should fat people be excluded from any of the above reasons for wearing clothing? I think not. However, I have found this growing trend pop-up in the plethora of plus-size fashion blogs that are out there in which bloggers are writing "disclaimers" that indicate that although they are plus size people who love fashion, they are not trying to encourage others to be/stay fat.
Society has conditioned us to view fat people in a very particular way--lumpy, unattractive, low self-esteem, and often times funny. Moreover, we have been conditioned to believe that being fat or overweight in any way destines one to have life-threatening health issues. None of the above is either completely or always true. Frankly, I'm very irritated with the fact that my fellow curvy and/or plus-size ladies cannot write a blog post, put on a pair of shorts, or whatever else they feel like doing without being bashed for promoting an "unhealthy lifestyle." A healthy lifestyle means eating healthy foods and getting regular exercise. That has NOTHING to do with how a person decides to dress their body. Furthermore, there are plenty of people fat or not who DO NOT do this. In fact, at well 5'9" 1/2 inches and weighing in well over 200 lbs., I was, at one point, running the mile in under 11 minutes, playing basketball, and making pretty damn good attempts at the flex arm hang. As a matter of fact, I've NEVER been skinny a day in my life, but I always participated in sports and I loved my fruits, vegetables, and yogurt. So why hate on fat people? Because society perpetuates a very strong stigma about weight, which makes all people at any size insecure about their weight. Those insecure people find consolation in picking at those who are bigger than them. With a social environment like the one we live in, who would want to see a dude or chick twice your size picking up a guy/girl whose never even looked your way?
As a fat girl who grew up with weight of my weight looming over my head, I realized that all of the efforts (some being very negative and hurtful) my family and peers used to get me to lose weight were more harmful than helpful. When people say, "you need to lose weight because you're unhealthy," I never believe them. You don't know a damn thing about my health. And I highly doubt that you're actually concerned about it. What you're really trying to tell me is "you'd look better if you weren't fat" or "you would be a better person if you were skinny." Well, the next time someone feigns concerns about my weight, they will more than likely get a very polite telling-off. I'm not going to sit around and apologize or feel bad about my weight. God made all of us in different shapes and sizes for a reason that I cannot explain. Just like YOU may have been born with flat abs and did nothing to warrant having them, some others were born naturally with extra weight on them. Nobody is perfect. No one ever will be. The important thing is that we ALL focus on what is best for our bodies--eating healthy foods and exercising regularly.
And I'm going to tell you all a little secret about myself--I feel better about myself now than I did 60 lbs smaller ago. Why? Because I couldn't wait on losing weight in order to be happy or feel good about myself. As a matter of fact, I do MORE things that are good for me when I feel good about myself. Fat or not, I'm beautiful and i'm going to say what I want to say, wear what I want to wear, and do whatever the hell it is I want to do. I am working everyday to FREE myself from the vicious stereotypes and myths, which have made my weight a debilitating focal point in my life. I will free myself from the thoughts and feelings that have held me in devastating insecurity for so long. I am beautiful, and I love myself--I tell myself this every time some fleeting negative thought about my looks enters my mind. So to all of the haters and all of the narrow-minded people out there who are trying to condemn plus-size fashionistas, focus your efforts on being SECURE within yourself. Being healthy not includes your diet and activity, but it also hinges on having a positive outlook on one's self no matter where you are in your life. For those of you who truly are concerned about the health and well-being of human beings, educate yourself thoroughly and realize that weight may not be the biggest battle (how about we talk about the limited availability of fresh and wholesome food choices to poor people? Or the fact that our readily available food choices are bogged down with artificial fillers and flavorings?)
Welp, until next time, XOXOXO!!
Society has conditioned us to view fat people in a very particular way--lumpy, unattractive, low self-esteem, and often times funny. Moreover, we have been conditioned to believe that being fat or overweight in any way destines one to have life-threatening health issues. None of the above is either completely or always true. Frankly, I'm very irritated with the fact that my fellow curvy and/or plus-size ladies cannot write a blog post, put on a pair of shorts, or whatever else they feel like doing without being bashed for promoting an "unhealthy lifestyle." A healthy lifestyle means eating healthy foods and getting regular exercise. That has NOTHING to do with how a person decides to dress their body. Furthermore, there are plenty of people fat or not who DO NOT do this. In fact, at well 5'9" 1/2 inches and weighing in well over 200 lbs., I was, at one point, running the mile in under 11 minutes, playing basketball, and making pretty damn good attempts at the flex arm hang. As a matter of fact, I've NEVER been skinny a day in my life, but I always participated in sports and I loved my fruits, vegetables, and yogurt. So why hate on fat people? Because society perpetuates a very strong stigma about weight, which makes all people at any size insecure about their weight. Those insecure people find consolation in picking at those who are bigger than them. With a social environment like the one we live in, who would want to see a dude or chick twice your size picking up a guy/girl whose never even looked your way?
As a fat girl who grew up with weight of my weight looming over my head, I realized that all of the efforts (some being very negative and hurtful) my family and peers used to get me to lose weight were more harmful than helpful. When people say, "you need to lose weight because you're unhealthy," I never believe them. You don't know a damn thing about my health. And I highly doubt that you're actually concerned about it. What you're really trying to tell me is "you'd look better if you weren't fat" or "you would be a better person if you were skinny." Well, the next time someone feigns concerns about my weight, they will more than likely get a very polite telling-off. I'm not going to sit around and apologize or feel bad about my weight. God made all of us in different shapes and sizes for a reason that I cannot explain. Just like YOU may have been born with flat abs and did nothing to warrant having them, some others were born naturally with extra weight on them. Nobody is perfect. No one ever will be. The important thing is that we ALL focus on what is best for our bodies--eating healthy foods and exercising regularly.
And I'm going to tell you all a little secret about myself--I feel better about myself now than I did 60 lbs smaller ago. Why? Because I couldn't wait on losing weight in order to be happy or feel good about myself. As a matter of fact, I do MORE things that are good for me when I feel good about myself. Fat or not, I'm beautiful and i'm going to say what I want to say, wear what I want to wear, and do whatever the hell it is I want to do. I am working everyday to FREE myself from the vicious stereotypes and myths, which have made my weight a debilitating focal point in my life. I will free myself from the thoughts and feelings that have held me in devastating insecurity for so long. I am beautiful, and I love myself--I tell myself this every time some fleeting negative thought about my looks enters my mind. So to all of the haters and all of the narrow-minded people out there who are trying to condemn plus-size fashionistas, focus your efforts on being SECURE within yourself. Being healthy not includes your diet and activity, but it also hinges on having a positive outlook on one's self no matter where you are in your life. For those of you who truly are concerned about the health and well-being of human beings, educate yourself thoroughly and realize that weight may not be the biggest battle (how about we talk about the limited availability of fresh and wholesome food choices to poor people? Or the fact that our readily available food choices are bogged down with artificial fillers and flavorings?)
Welp, until next time, XOXOXO!!
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
No Fat Allowed!
Over Memorial Day weekend, I made a trip to Busch Gardens, Williamsburg with two of my best friends. I haven't been to the park in probably about a year or two, so I was shocked when we were standing in line for their new ride, "Verbolten" and saw them turn away a pretty large woman who was unable to properly fit in the rides seat. I felt her pain as she walked away while her slightly smaller boyfriend managed to squeeze his way onto the coaster. My turn came up and I had no problem safely securing myself on the ride, so I didn't think that I'd have any problems that day--I was wrong. I ended up having to sit in double-belted seat on two rollercoasters at the park, and I barely managed to squeeze my way onto Apollo's Chariot. Phew, three times I managed to avoid the embarrassment of embarking on a "walk of shame" to the rides exit without having had the chance to ride the coaster.
Busch Gardens used similar language when addressing issues with "larger guests," and their staff was clearly not excited about addressing such issues with these unique guests. I even went as far as to ask a timid, red-headed ride operator, "So are you saying I'm too fat to ride?" He awkwardly paused after this statement, and I presume he decided not to answer my question but instead quickly walk away and address some other customers. Although the experience that day was no where near disastrous, it still made me quite self-conscious at times.
When I got home that day I asked myself, "what's the deal? I've never had this problem before, and I know I haven't gained a significant amount of weight in the past couple of years." This led me to a Google search on fat people on rollercoasters. I figured that I would find horror stories about fat people falling to their deaths because they were too heavy for the safety restraints, but no such thing really came up. However, I did find Cedar Point's interesting guidelines on weight and height requirements.
Busch Gardens used similar language when addressing issues with "larger guests," and their staff was clearly not excited about addressing such issues with these unique guests. I even went as far as to ask a timid, red-headed ride operator, "So are you saying I'm too fat to ride?" He awkwardly paused after this statement, and I presume he decided not to answer my question but instead quickly walk away and address some other customers. Although the experience that day was no where near disastrous, it still made me quite self-conscious at times.
Being fat nowadays is almost like being black in the early 20th century. People who are obese are now eing treated like complete "others" who are unworthy of the privileges that skinny people are allowed. We can't like ourselves too much, or people will say we're promoting an unhealthy lifestyle. We can't relax without people calling us lazy. We can't eat without people calling us greedy. We can't ride rollercoasters people telling us we're too damn fat to have fun. As far as rollercoasters go, I believe that as parks build newer ones they will accomodate people of a somewhat larger size and many of us who are barely able to ride now will probably be able to ride again with ease as time goes on. However, when will people stop looking down upon fat people as the bane of human existence and realize that trying to tear us down is not going to perpetuate some overnight weight loss epidemic? We all need to live healthier and more active lives whether we are BIG or small.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
So Tired!
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