Shut It Down: Seriously.

    This morning as I was getting ready for my workday, I decided to hop in the shower and get squeaky to some tunes on my iPad.  As I scrolled through the "S" section on my iTunes, I came across Drake's song "Shut it Down," which happens to be one of my favs by him. As I was listening to the end of the song (starting at about the 5 minute mark), I heard the following lyrics:




"The way I’m feeling, the things I say all just happen, when you pass my way what can I do to make you stay I know its getting late but girl I don’t want you to leave you tell me you’re just not the type you wanna do this right and I’m not tryin to say I don’t believe you but I refuse to feel ashamed and if you feel the same does waiting really make us better people? take those f****n heels off its worth it girl nothing is what I can picture you in so take that f****n dress off I swear you won’t forget me you’ll be happy that you let me lay you down down down"
     
Now, Drake is clearly trying to seduce a woman into staying the night and having intercourse with him even though she has expressed that it is not what SHE WANTS. In fact, she lets him know that she wants to "do this right," yet he still presses on for a night of instant gratification.   The tone of Drake's lyrics indicate that this night of ecstasy is completely fine, and there is nothing wrong with doing this. However, I'm going to have to completely and utterly DISAGREE with Drake on this notion.  Drake displays a common attitude that I'm sure many of us women have seen from various men, but I'm here to let you know that if you are trying to "do things right" ( probably meaning actually getting to know a person, establishing mutual respect, and aiming towards a meaningful relationship) this is NOT the way to get there.  We think that doing simple things like letting a guy come over to "chill" or having sexual relations early in a relationship are not a big deal. Well, guess what? They VERY much are.  Take a look at the Black Girls Are Easy Blog article "Dating vs. Come Over and Chill" where the male author explains why it is NOT okay to chill with guys early on if we are looking for a relationship.  It is an amazing read, so I highly suggest it. 
      Music today influences young minds to let go and indulge in sexual pleasures without much thought, protection, or meaning involved. We all love the sultry sounds of Drake, Trey Songz, Usher, and others as well as the classic club bangers like "Back That Thang Up" (my personal fav), Dance (ASS), and other hype songs like these, but ladies these songs should remain just what they are--entertainment--if you are looking for the real deal (and they wonder why so many marriages are ending up in divorce!). I'm no relationship expert, but after the many hurts and disappointments that I've been through, I have learned that returning to old ways are the best way. Waiting and Dating. Yup, waiting and dating.  
       I firmly believe that men are responsible for their actions, and I am devastated by how often women are taken advantage of by men who only want to see you back it up, drop it low, or twerk it reaaaallll good.  BUT, I also believe that you must "be the change that you want to see in the world." So ladies, if we want  to see a change in the social relationships between men and women, we must change how we handle our side of the relationships.  We as a group must raise our expectations.  Be patient and don't settle for less than you deserve ( NO ONE, man or woman, deserves to be treated like meat).  Wait until you have established a relationship of mutual respect and communication to decide about the sexual aspect of the relationship (at the very least!).  I don't think we can win this battle without loving and supporting each other through it. We've got to stop the hating, cattiness, and jealousy that often proliferates around the subject of men.  If you've got a click of friends, date EACH OTHER until the RIGHT MAN comes along for each of you.  It is time we stop playing into the BS that many of these artists and other media personalities feed to us--it is not okay to indulge like this unless you want to live a sexually free lifestyle.  Of course men are going to try to convince us to give it up ( and you may actually want to), but you will dramatically decrease your chances of having a relationship if you play into it.  
So ladies curvy and skinny alike, if you're ready to find something real like I am, SHUT THAT ISH DOWN. Let's get old school on em! 

Also, a nice clip about Tracy McMillan's latest book: Why You're Not Married
Yahoo! interview with Tracy McMillan