This month has been both exciting and exhausting. My birthday passed a week and a half ago, and I thoroughly enjoyed festivities with coworkers and friends at Dave and Buster's and the movies (we saw Taken 3). I haven't always enjoyed my birthday though. Actually, I spent 7 long years feeling miserable and unloved every time that it came around. You see, my birthday falls just two weeks after Christmas. This is a time when people are still recovering from the holiday season and my birthday isn't usually on the top of everyone's minds. Also, while I was in college, it was a time when all of my friends were at home with their families; we weren't at school together to celebrate my birthday. This year was different though. As I've grown in my relationship with Christ, I've learned that although I desire to have people around me to celebrate things such as my birthday, my accomplishments, and my growth, this just will not always be the case. God has been bringing me through a wilderness experience as I learn how to rely on Him for my joy, my peace, and my strength--even when it feels as though no one else around me is on my team.
On the morning of my birthday as I was getting ready for work, I felt the familiar pang of depression try to settle over me. God freed me from depression last summer (that's a whole other story that I'm not quite ready to share), but it still tries to come back occasionally. No sooner than my mind began to sink into those moody, unpleasant thoughts did God whisper to me in His still, small voice, "Remember who you are." I love God, and I am reminded of His love for me when He sweeps me off of my feet into a warm, loving embrace at the mere sound of His voice. I don't understand how He can put so much love into so few words, but what I do know is that those words carried me through the rest of that day, and that week, and beyond. Even though my birthday was awesome this year, I've still faced other battles. In the current age of social media where anyone and everyone can have a voice, I almost feel as though many aspects of my secular identity have been and continue to be viciously attacked. I've done my best to lovingly speak up and speak out, but to tell you the truth I am exhausted. I've been fat-shamed, black-shamed, and of course gone through the ever present wringer that is misogyny. Just yesterday I came across a page that was DEDICATED to bullying and shaming fat people, mainly women, due to the recent plus-size fashion and body positive movement. It still baffles me that people would actually dedicate genuine time and energy to such a cause in the name of health. If you're so concerned with the health of fat women, then maybe you should do things like post healthy alternative recipes, or start an exercise class geared towards fat people, or raise money for the American Diabetes Association--not spread hate. Anyways, I started feeling very bogged down by all of these things as I reflected on the conversations I've had and questioned myself: Am I being too sensitive? Is it even worth it to try to defend myself and other like me anymore? Will racism ever go away? Is being fat really that bad? Is that why I'm still single? As I sat there thinking all of these things to myself with no real answers, I remembered again what God said to me on my birthday, "Remember who you are." When you believe in Christ, your identity shifts from worldly things such as the kind of car you drive, the job you've attained, that mental disorder you have, or that embarrassing viral video that you're featured in to who Christ is. When Christ died on that Cross for us He took our sins away and gave us His righteousness in exchange! That's why when we accept Jesus Christ as our savior we become a new creation (2 Cor 5:17). We are free from the paper chains that our old life placed upon us and we have a new way to identify ourselves. This is the only identity we have that is unchanging because God's promises will never fail (Isaiah 55:11). I spent many years hating myself for being too dark, too fat, too tall, etc., but when I truly began to walk in the newness of Christ I realized that I was more than my job, my skin color, my gender, or any other worldly character trait you can think of. This is not to say that I have arrived. I still battle with my insecurities and must allow God to work in those areas of my life that are dark; it's a process. But my identity in Christ is something that no person can take away from me... I am righteous (2 Corinthians 5:21), I am approved (Jeremiah 1: 5) , I am royalty (Romans 5:17). That is why it is SOOOO important to remember these things and use scripture to fight when you feel any less than who God says you are. My suggestion for any believer is to write these scripture down on index cards and have them with you when you're in need of encouragement.
Refuse to let the world define you and bog you down. Of course, when you're fighting for what is good and what is right there are times when you will get tired and where you will need rest, but never stop fighting for what is good. Remember who you are, and have empathy for the people around you who may not have the knowledge or understanding that you have. Have empathy even for your enemies, and maybe you'll even find a way to reach them too. But always, always remember who you are.
True Love
